Stamina

Stamina and strength. That's what you see when you see me. I may walk for hours, but after the first ten minutes, I can't take another step. I may swim for kilometers, but after the first hundred meters I'm too tired to move my limbs. I may seem to be able to keep going without a rest, but the truth is that no matter how much I get, sleep doesn't help me. Every injury I get, you think I barely notice it, but in reality I can't handle the pain. Every time I get knocked down, I just appear to shrug it off, but for me it gets harder each time just to get back on my feet. When you tease me and I look like it's just a joke to me too, each word you say is sharper than a knife. When cold doesn't appear to affect me, I really am chilled to my core, and feel like warmth will never come back. What you think is stamina and strength is really stubbornness, sheer will-power and a pride that will not let anyone else see my weaknesses.

Some thoughts

It's funny how God uses circumstances for good. The other day I caught up with an older lady who I respect a great deal. She has been happily married for about 10 years, and has two beautiful daughters. She is a Godly woman as well, but that doesn't mean she's wimpy or a pushover. About a month ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression (which is now leaving me), but I talked with her a lot about it before I went to see the doctors. Just recently, she has also been diagnosed with depression. She told me if it weren't for me being open and honest with her about my problems, she would not have had the courage to get it diagnosed, and that I was the trigger that got her that courage. She's now able to get past this as well.

Reflections

I caught a glimpse in the mirror
And saw someone looking back.
Someone older, someone wiser.
Grace and beauty she did not lack.

Some other poems that I've neglected to post

Loss of Sense

A sandcastle of sanity
Right on the ocean's edge.
An albatross egg of great wit
Left on a narrow ledge.
Society is crumbling,
It knows not what is lost;
The features of humanity
Are things which have no cost.


Loving Beauty

A light so brightly burning,
A love so sweetly shining,
But what is good is good indeed
And greatest fear and deepest need.
For what seems harmful to be
Is but nourishment to me.
That you think it a fool's ploy
Can just rob me of my joy.
For I care not to greatly be,
Just that I'm beautiful to thee.


Dedicated to Wes

Give me a heart purer than gold,
Refined by fire & out of the mould.
I know for sure there will be pain,
But let me choose it again and again.


Stars

All the stars up in the sky
Shine their faces down from high.
Their light is bright
From such a height,
But a little girl is all they spy.

Apologies & a poem

I apologise for the lack of anything here. I shall try to remedy that.

Dedicated to the girls in the Narnia house.

Laughter surounds,
Noise abounds,
Girls are happy and fey.
If jokes are around,
These girls will be bound
To laugh for the rest of the day.

Fallen Angels

I want to float
up in the sky:
to be among
such colours high.

I want to fly
up to the clouds
to see the view
above the ground

but as for that
it shall not be
for i have lost
my wings, you see

i fell to earth
both stunned and lost
i sinned and oh
what things it cost

now i am charged
to live in strife,
in human form,
a human life.

oh, I shall see
my God once more
when clouds do roll
and oceans roar

but till that time
I'll do my best,
live my life, then
come home to rest.

Friend

You love me despite my faults,
Sympathise with my pain.
If I had to choose a friend,
I'd choose you all over again.