Thursday, 4 June 2009
Stamina
Stamina and strength. That's what you see when you see me. I may walk for hours, but after the first ten minutes, I can't take another step. I may swim for kilometers, but after the first hundred meters I'm too tired to move my limbs. I may seem to be able to keep going without a rest, but the truth is that no matter how much I get, sleep doesn't help me. Every injury I get, you think I barely notice it, but in reality I can't handle the pain. Every time I get knocked down, I just appear to shrug it off, but for me it gets harder each time just to get back on my feet. When you tease me and I look like it's just a joke to me too, each word you say is sharper than a knife. When cold doesn't appear to affect me, I really am chilled to my core, and feel like warmth will never come back. What you think is stamina and strength is really stubbornness, sheer will-power and a pride that will not let anyone else see my weaknesses.
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2 comments:
Hey, little one. This is a hard way to walk, if you struggle on only by foolish pride and willpower. I'm so glad Jesus died for us so that he can live his life through us, rather then us struggling to try and live up to the way we should be. :)
I just read this one again, and it made me a bit sad to think of you like that. I guess that's one thing God's had to teach you a lot through the depression, is that you need to give up your stubbornness and your pride and give Him the credit and control over everything that happens in your life. It reminds me of that verse, where Jesus is talking about worry, but he says "you can't even change the colour of a hair on your head..." and I think too that applies to how totally weak and inadequate we are, and how if we are ever just trying to slog it out by ourselves, we aren't ever going to get anywhere of significance. Instead, we need to totally rely on God, and give Him credit where things happen in our lives. Nothing in more tiring or more futile then trying to live life in our own strength, covering our weaknesses, and pretending we are strong. God is the only one who is strong, we are all weak.
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